A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
