That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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