i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
