he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize