I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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