Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
