what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
