So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
