Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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