He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
