he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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