JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
