so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
