yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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