i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
