Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize