I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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