you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
