apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
