She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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