Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
