AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Holy shit dude........stairs
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
