i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
