I have demons in me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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