And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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