Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
