I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
