I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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