I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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