Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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