I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
