well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize