We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize