Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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