Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
