69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
