She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
