I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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