Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize