she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
