Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
