Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I think my moral compass just broke
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
