It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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