Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
