Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
