Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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