oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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