dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
