apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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