Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just tell him i said nine months
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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