I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
