I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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