in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
