Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
