I'm drive I can fine osifer
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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