If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
