so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
