what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
