Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
