Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
