Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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