I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
