dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
im six kinds of drunk right now
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
