Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
