Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
