If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
