hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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