she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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