Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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