ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
