It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
